The World hates the Truth. But I'll give it to you anyway.

Thoughts along the way. | June 25, 2010

Now when i finally have something substantial to say i figure tt probably no one reads this anymore cos they assume this is dead. Well it doesn’t really matter anyway but if you’re still reading this then i’m glad cos my views won’t go to waste. Eventually i’d probably share these thoughts with those who matter most to me anyway. I find tt too many ppl treat their blogs like a wall (talk to it to relieve ur pain and it won’t talk back) and then their friends wld be wondering “What the hell is wrong with my friend?!”, you panic,  then when you ask they say “Oh it’s nth now..” Well if you don’t wanna talk abt it then keep it to urself. Write it in a journal where u can tear out the pages and burn it later. I mean if it’s futile ramblings why let the whole world see?? Some ppl say tt’s wat blogging is for, to make urself feel better, i say tt’s wat the good ol’ pen and paper is for.

OKAY enough with the complaining. As i was saying i had something substantial to say.. Okay so every once in a while you meet with experiences tt completely change ur view of the world and the way you thought it out to be. For me i met two. While in Austria i went to visit the mother of my mum’s old friend (with my mum of course). This lady is nothing less than a Braveheart. She’s nearing her nineties i think and lived a pretty normal life having four daughters and all. Only she has withstood the most excruciating amount of pain i believe any mother can endure. She has already buried three of her own children having lost them all to cancer. What’s worse is that her remaining daughter has never bothered to call her or keep in touch ever since she moved to America. She now lives alone with her helper in the very house that she raised her family in with the only evidence of family being the yellowing photos she keeps in ancient looking picture frames perched on window sills and on the wall. Before age caught up with her body and before it took her a full three minutes to walk to the neighboring room, she was an excellent crafts lady of her time, as my mum told me, and she spent her time doing crochet embroidery, sewing doll’s dresses, cross-stitch etc. Yet all her art hangs on the walls of her house for only her helper and the occasional visitor to appreciate. Even though we had only just met i was constantly filled with such immense sadness the whole time i was in that house. At one point i had to look out the window to make sure nobody saw me tearing up. Maybe the darkness in the rooms just accentuated the sadness i felt for her and the unimaginable anguish in her gut each time she glanced at the pictures of the family that once was. Maybe i was feeling emotional that day. Maybe i never imagined someone having to live through her golden years in that way. What if her children once swore to themselves they’d take care of their parents the way they once took care of them but never got the chance? I was half expecting tears when she told my mum about her last daughter. But no.. Not even a slight redness. I guess she no longer knew how to cry having probably already bawled her eyes out one too many times. Being a parent is more than a label and the expectations that come with it. It’s the physical pain and emotional strength one must endure to ensure the growth of one’s child. So no matter how many mistakes a parent has made he or she was still the one to keep you alive from birth till today. Our parents still deserve love and respect. They are human after all.

Just one more little gem for you.. so my mum has a neighbor in Austria she’s been really close to since young. She was divorced from an unhappy marriage a long time ago and it took her a long time to settle down again. She eventually got married again but by then she was reaching her mid forties and it was getting difficult for her to have kids. Finally she had one beautiful little boy (who’s still really beautiful by the way.. he’s nine.. haha) and that was pretty much the only kid she could have. She wanted more so she started looking into adoption. She came to meet a little boy who was put in foster care because his mum was a drug abuser and suffering from mental problems. At first she took him in on weekdays as a companion for her son but it seems his biological mum is not in good shape at all to take care of him so she took him in full time. She has been looking after him for a few years already so even tho the paper work has not officially made him her adopted son, he is already like a brother to her first son and he calls her “Mama”. He is such a cute boy and your heart can’t help but melt when you look at his soft innocent grey eyes. To think that a kid like him will never have a normal biological family really breaks my heart but then when you see the love in his adopted family you are instantly at ease once again. Everything about him shouts perfect. He’s sweet, polite and not afraid to take a third helping of sweet pastries. Yet he may one day be faced with an identity crisis, confusion and anger when he remembers his birth mum. But i really don’t believe anything will stop him from having a perfect family..